You are viewing sevenhelz

01 September 2013 @ 04:46 pm
I don't understand monogamy. I don't understand thinking that one person is the most special important thing on the planet, to the exclusion of all the other special important wonderful people in your life. I don't understand being interested in new people, learning a little bit about them, and then when you find a person who is interested back in this intense way, deciding not to spend any more time thinking about the others or to continue to communicate directly with people you were previously anxious to find out everything about.

I don't really understand being that anxious in the first place. People are too complicated to ever truly understand; having long conversations about everything you can think of for a month straight would still only tell you so much about a person. The world has to be experienced together. I'm slowly learning that the best friendships come from having been through stuff together - sometimes hard, physical graft; sometimes emotionally difficult situations; sometimes bonding gradually over quiet afternoons drinking tea. It's not necessary to set the world to rights every time you see someone, even if it can be valuable. It's not necessary to share every opinion with a person in order to find them attractive and valuable.

All that being the case, there are many people in my life who are attractive and valuable. There are many people in my life I enjoy spending time with - from the comfortable silence of laptops at dusk, through the supportive active world of free-running or bouldering or the gym, to the noise and complication of marching inside a band. There are people I love. There are people I love in different ways; family is different to friends is different to heroes (and I'm incredibly lucky in having some workmates who enter multiple categories). I've had incredible chemistry with some people in my life. Some of these I've dated, others not, and usually because they or I were monogamously involved with somebody else. I don't regret anything about that; I do understand that not everybody feels the way I do, and I am not egotistical or selfish enough to break up multiple people's happiness. But still... I don't get the repulsion. The need to differentiate between the levels of love you have for folk, and to display that proudly.

A lass in our band has had an unpleasant phone call tonight, from a woman who claims to be her best friend's fiancee. She didn't know he was with anybody; he's repeatedly told her that he wants to be with her, that it's hard being single; she's repeatedly told him she's happy with her fella. If this lass knew or decided that she could make up the rules as she went, I'm pretty sure she could be happy with three blokes, instead of happy with one. She fairly obviously has enough time and energy and love for them all. So what's so great about this one-only model? All it does is make people lie, and make people hurt.

This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
16 June 2013 @ 11:01 am
I find conversations about hair fairly boring, and my hair in particular to be incredibly dull. So obviously the best thing is to discuss it on my blog. That'll change everything.

What I've noticed lately is the North-South divide on this issue. Back up North, people would ask me "Would you ever grow it?" as a conversation starter; whereas down here, people apparently just assume it's a gay thing and ignore it for ages, and then say things like "You must've known when you were doing it that you were making a political statement?"

I've got a statement for you right here.

It's just hair.

Hair grows. Hair gets messy, has to be washed and untangled, has to be scraped into a bun, has to be hoovered up and removed from plugholes, has to be dealt with all the damn time. I can't be bothered with it. I'd love to say I don't give a fuck what you think of me for having it short, but sadly I'm getting pretty riled up over how many people think it somehow signifies my sexuality or political views. What my short hair signifies is that I like my hair short. It's just hair.

I hated hairdressers for a long time, and now that I'm in a position where it's convenient in many ways to have short hair the way I like it, I'm going to carry on. If people are going to assume shit about me because of it that's their loss, frankly. But for reference, this is what I look like most of the time. Notice the hair?

The Band of the Grenadier Guards on parade in full Summer Guard Order.

This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
20 May 2013 @ 10:13 am
If you've never had a period, don't ignore this post.
cut for length.Collapse )
This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
23 March 2013 @ 09:09 pm
Update: many of these are spoken for, and the rest are going to one friend of mine who spoke up early to say he'd have all of them.
Read more...Collapse )</div>
This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
Tags: ,
15 March 2013 @ 02:14 pm
Sitting on my own bed - bought new, by me, for me -

finishing up stuffed olives, houmous and pitta for lunch

in an Army barracks

in Central London

with no duties for a while

but perhaps to choose gifts for old friends

this is not what I would have imagined for my future

but damn if I'm not happy it's my present

I could have wound up anywhere.

This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
Tags: , ,
13 February 2013 @ 12:26 am
I don't know if it's a girl thing, or just a me thing (but not *just* me, I think), but I've always had trouble laying claim to interests that I'm not deeply involved in.

This ties up a few ideas that've been rolling around my head, like the way I basically never competed with my older siblings in maths and puzzles, or coming to terms with how I came to play the euphonium at the age of ten - not sooner, because apparently I didn't realise that you didn't have to be brilliant straight away - and also, the problem with my first boyfriend having been such a bullshitter that for years I was not able to say no, I've never heard of that band, tell me more?

So there was also this post about the "fake geek girl" concept which got me thinking, partly because I do think traditionally the geekiest people have been kind of autistic, and that's tied into a whole other issue about autism and gender and nature vs nurture debate, but mostly got me kind of sad that people feel the need to attack others for wanting to do the same things they (the first people) want to do... Anyhow I figure I empathise with that author, Kate Conway, who said she feels like she's about to be caught out, if she expresses an interest in something that she hasn't read the whole backstory to. I totes get that - like, I used to be pretty active on the internet, but I will be quick to dismiss my geekery as not computery, because I don't do codegeeking. I really get it. I feel like that when I'm trying to talk or even to humbly find out about things I've always kind of mentally categorised as too cool for me. These things include but are not limited to; parkour, clubbing, climbing, martial arts, roller derby, ska bands. You may note that I actually have some experience in some of these fields. What I don't have is confidence in my history there, or my provable worth/understanding. As opposed to when I'm geeking about instruments, at which point I'm geeking too hard to care much how people react... that's kind of an OCD/aspie side to me which, like I say, I think is pretty common in strongly geeky people... So otherwise it's probably partly the army set-up and being straight out of training that makes me nervous of talking like I think I know more than those around me. I don't want to step on anybody's toes... But then I think it's a habit I've always had, and the thing is; I really don't want it to hold me back from anything. I'm big enough and ugly enough to stand my ground should I get sneered at, and I'm actually old enough now that mostly people don't bother to try to pick holes in . This is... new, odd, and I suppose should be exciting. Mostly I'm confused. It ought to be okay or indeed more than okay not to be so obsessively into something as to be mean to other people wanting to find out about it. Surely it ought to be the aim?

This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
12 February 2013 @ 09:01 pm
CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will post 360 security so you dont get caught

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs
MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents Drunk as hell and tell them about the fat chick you tried to pick up

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Know some wild shit will happen, and set up rally points and an E & E route.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, Damn...we fucked up...but hey, that shit was fun as fuck!"

MILITARY FRIENDS: Laugh at you and tell you to put some vagasil on your pussy.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will Low Crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will listen to your relatioship problems and hope it works out for you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will listen to you over a long hard road march, and will help you straighten it out better than Dr. Phil.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Might try to hit on your girl behind your back.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Have spooned with you in the field more than your girl has, and would never even think about doing that.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home fuckers!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will man up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will share their last penny with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don't waste.. That's alcohol abuse!!!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore".
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will say "okay just one more" and then 2 minutes later "okay just one more".

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you."
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.
This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
Tags: ,
30 March 2012 @ 07:36 pm
It's ten days till I join the Army, barring everything going tits-up again
I have been such a stresshead this week trying to remember everything I need to sort out and buy and pack and tidy
I had a belly dance class where we talked about how to teach other people, just in case
I've spent liek £200 in two days on kit list stuff. well and nice foods.
I feel I need to write to people but first I probably need to decide who I need to write to
I'm having some foot-warts treated and my feet hurt like anything
Also this has stressed up one of my calves so I'm having the night off from the gym
I have a couple of things I want to write about in detail, I think I even made some notes for one already
I will be really glad to finally go
I am a bit worried that it might all go tits-up again
I think everything will be fine

This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
18 February 2012 @ 08:28 pm

long post are longCollapse )

I think I've said everything I needed to here. Good corsets are really cool. Lingerie that makes you look and feel good is wonderful. Paying attention to how you look does not make you anti-feminist. Wanting to display femininity for any reason, including the aim of having a sexual encounter, is fine and dandy with me. But I don't want this corset anymore. It's a thing I'm not comfortable with, and it's a beautiful thing that someone else could love. If you are or know someone who would be interested in it, please let me know at @sevenhelz on twitter or below (anonymous comments are screened).
This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
05 February 2012 @ 09:22 pm
is insanely unrealistic. This is entirely based on what my mother (of farming stock) has told me. Spoilers!
bromance! action! adventure! hiding in bedrooms!Collapse )
This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.